Friday, November 26, 2010

Judah & Tamar - R-rated Genesis Story V

Luke Ford writes:

I discuss the parsha with Rabbi Rabbs Monday at 7pm PST on my live cam.

Please remember to bathe, to put on clean clothes, and to abstain from marital relations for at least 48 hours before coming into our chat room because the rabbi and I have some pretty heavy commandments to lay upon you.

I put together these challenges for Rabbi Rabbs:

Parashat Vayeshev (Genesis 37-40):

* Did Potiphar’s wife get special access to Joseph while he was held as a prisoner in Potiphar’s prison?

* Sexual promiscuity is a basic feature of all slave societies. The slave can’t say no.

* Potiphar’s wife does not respond to his cogent arguments but tries to wear him down. The erect ***** has no conscience.

* When Potiphar’s wife asks him to lie beside her, was that an innocent request? I’ve had women ask me that and sometimes it was very innocent. This Japanese woman I met on a music video shoot. Did they really just want to lie beside me or did they truly want to feel full? Sometimes women don’t say what they mean. They may say, “Let’s lie down together like brother and sister” but they really mean, “Turn me inside out.”

* Perhaps the wife would’ve been more successful with Joseph if she had warmed him up a little bit with questions about God and righteousness and the patriarchs before she flat out asked him for sex. She could’ve said she wanted to follow his God, could he take some time out of his busy schedule to instruct her privately in Torah including the laws of family purity and all that jazz. A lot of rabbis have fallen for similar patter. Even I have proven weak on one or two occasions, luckily God and the police intervened before I could commit a sin.

* Women such as Potiphar’s wife seem to have a particular skill at making false accusations of rape. Please discuss.

* How does the Pharoah talk about God when Pharoah is supposedly divine?

* How much of your life have you spent in spiritual bliss? Are you not satisfied with your reward in the World to Come? Do you expect also to live at ease in this world?

* I wish I could live like the patriarchs and have maid servants and concubines.

* Rabbi Rabbs writes: “I’m just happy to hear Congressman West be so supportive, and if he cites Christianity to protect my fellow Jews who insist on living in that Atheistic country established by Bolsheviks — in many ways the eye sore of the Middle East with its wanton desecration of G-d’s Laws right on top of the Holy Land…”

Perhaps the rabbi could name a land where there is more goodness per square mile than Israel? How would he measure this?

* The pope permits condom use in some instances. Is this good for the Jews? I really like this pope. He’s a fighter.

* On Dec. 3, the Los Angeles Temptation host the Dallas Desire in the Lingerie Football League. Dallas is 0-2. They just can’t get their passing game going. Their quarterback is just 7-30 for 84 yards on the year. LA is 1-0. Who can forget their thrilling 36-32 victory over the Seattle Mist?

As our viewers know, nobody is a bigger supporter of women’s sports than me.



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